Well, here I am. Better late than never, I suppose, but it's still a bit too late, I guess :/ Meh, whatever. I made that commitment and, despite everything, I do intend on keeping it. It's just... *voice trails off as I look for an excuse* ...
...
...
Well, I did have something to do this morning. It was this thing that was leftover from yesterday, and it was unfinished because of unforeseen circumstances. I tried hard to do so today, I honestly did, but, well, a string of stupid mistakes prevented me. Not that I had any significant chance of finishing it from the start, but there was still a chance. But I guess today just had to be started by a miserable failure.
Hmm.
...
'Kay, well maybe I've got nothin' to use as an excuse. Nothing good, anyway. Sorry, me. And, my imagined readers, I suppose. Won't happen again. Maybe. Hopefully. I mean DEFINITELY. I'll try, definitely.
That was lame.
In other news, as you may have noticed from the title, today is my birthday! Not that a lot of people seemed to remember, of course, but why would they? In this day and age most people forego the virtue of remembering details about friends for the superficial values of modern life. With my birthdate purposefully hidden on Facebook, the number of people who remembered sank like an overweight stone elephant in a extra-quick quicksand; three years ago I pulled a different stunt which was similar in principle: I changed my birthdate every month, on the same date. The point was to camouflage the actual date with five other fake ones, starting from March and ending in August - to see who'd fall for the trick. And not only were there people who congratulated me on more than one month (I MEAN REALLY, YOUR MEMORY CAN'T LAST FOR ONE FREAKING MONTH?! YOU PEOPLE WERE SEVENTEEN, NOT SEVENTY!!), some of my so-called close friends didn't even remember the actual date!
*cough*
Logically-speaking, of course, there could be a number of possibilities. Maybe some of my friends just have lousy memory? Not impossible, and I can't blame 'em for that. Maybe some of them weren't close enough (or close enough yet) that they hadn't known about it? Also possible, and again, can't blame 'em. Maybe some of them were too busy and had a lot on their mind? Less likely, since, y'know, the whole thing lasted for half a year. Maybe some of them were/are simply fakers who couldn't care less? Certainly possible, and does seem to be the case in regards to several individuals.
In any case, this year I simply hid my birthday on July 31st on Facebook. And bam, how many people gave me a 'happy birthday' or equivalent? A whopping less than 20 of my friends (and a couple of those had to be reminded). Compare this to over 200 that I got two years ago.
*cough*
Again, the same possibilities apply, as above. However, there's one thing that crossed my mind: some of the closest ones probably remember that I dislike being given 'happy birthday' greetings. Why? Well I'll save the full story for another day, but the point is, what I find important here is not the birthday itself, but the remembering of the details about your friends. I would prefer people remembering my birthday without making a big fuss (or really, a fuss of any size) about it. However, I doubt most of my friends who didn't congratulate me today did so because of this, for the sole reason that the people who know this particular dislike of mine can be counted on two hands.
*cough*
Bottom line is, I don't appreciate people giving me birthday greetings, but I don't appreciate my birthday being forgotten even more. What's important isn't the birthday, it's the remembering part. If you're my close friend who knows when my birthday is, a simple "today's your birthday, right? Cool." is the best way to go. It doesn't even have to be on my birthday, because as I said, the birthday itself doesn't matter. What matters is the remembering bit. So I would equally like it if, on any random day, you come to me and say something along the lines of "I remember when your birthday is" or "You were born on August 22nd, am I right?". I would be really, really pleased because you remember. As a friend of mine, that's a basic expectation.
Consider this: earlier this month, one of my very good friends asked me when my birthday was. Irritating, but not unusual: some people just have bad long-term memory. She did, however, remember that it was this month, hence why she asked, so that was nice. I answered her, and specifically told her to write it down, if she must (because she forgot). And then she said absolutely nothing today, nor did anything that would indicate that she remembered! It couldn't be because of the whole "I dislike birthdays" thing, because she's not one of those who know that! As a matter of fact, she doesn't care about me enough to know something like that! Because obviously when you have a friend it is unimportant to know what your friend likes and dislikes and just completely focus on what you like and dislike and just do things based on how you want to be treated because obviously how you want to be treated is how everyone else wants to be treated!
*cough*
Sorry, lost a bit of control in that rant there for a sec. Ah well. The point I'm slowly and painfully trying to make is this: how many of my other friends are like her? How many others don't care enough about me to know? How many others don't care enough about me to remember? And how many others simply pretend to care, just to be nice on the social surface, when deep down they just simply don't think I'm enough of a friend to be remembered?
And does she, someone I'm supposed to be really close with, only pretend to care? I just can't tell who's my friend and who's pretending to care!
...I'm sorry. If you're my friend, why don't you remember? If you do remember, great, but if you also gave me a 'happy birthday' greeting today, why don't you know that I dislike it? And if you do remember and know about me disliking it, then I sincerely, honest-to-goodnessly thank you, but that also means I'm going to have to ask you about my birthday on a random day, just to see if you actually remember. Maybe that's not fair because the day I ask could very well be a hectic day for you, I know, which is why I'll lessen that possibility by asking on other days as well.
Am I being overly dramatic? Hmm, maybe. But then again, it's just human nature. None of us are born wanting to be lonely. Some people are introverted, yes, but that's not the same as wanting to be left alone. Nobody is born wanting to be left alone. I still don't want to be left alone. I want to be remembered, or at least, I want some aspects of me to be remembered. And if my so-called friends can't even remember one of the most basic aspect, then, am I really on anyone's mind at all? Or am I, as I have always been, alone and unremembered?
(whoa, that ended up being much more depressing than I planned. Come on Fan, not here, that's what your other blog is for!)
*cough*
So. Happy birthday to little ol' me, the kid who put the 'one' in 'loneliness'.
So. Happy birthday to little ol' me, the kid who put the 'one' in 'loneliness'.
